The Broken Years

by Janice

Author’s notes: For this story, it would be helpful to have read my earlier story, The Secret of the Rose. If you’ve read it and want a little reminder of what happened, visit the Reminder Page.

Also, I’ve set this out so that anything that is not hand-written is italic.

Thanks once again to my wonderful editor Grey, who gave me some great ideas for developing this story and patiently sorted out my misconceptions of American education.

Summer, 1987

“I have something for you,” her mother said when they were finished. “I’ll just get it.”

She returned shortly with a small cloth-bound book.

“A diary?” asked Trixie, giving her a hug. “Thank you, Moms. I’ll write in it every day.”

“Only if you want to, Trixie,” said her mother, smiling. “I find that every second or third day is enough.”

Wednesday September 2, 1987

Today was pretty weird. It was the first day back at school without Jim and Brian. Somehow it seemed really lonely. I suppose I’ll get used to it soon.

Friday September 4, 1987

My hair is driving me batty!!! Di had this brilliant idea that it would be more manageable if it was longer. So far it’s just making things worse but she says she’ll give me some clips to try when I see her at Honey’s place tomorrow.

Sunday September 6, 1987

Di was right. She gave me a thing she called a banana clip and it’s wonderful! I’ve never looked so trendy in my life.

Thursday September 17, 1987

I got a letter from Brian today. He sounds like he’s settling in fine at Buffalo and studying really hard. I think Moms is upset that he doesn’t call very often but she won’t say anything to me about it.

Monday September 21, 1987

I’m so upset I can hardly write. I didn’t see Honey all weekend because she went away with her parents to some friends of theirs at Buffalo and she wasn’t on the bus this morning. When I met her in the corridor at school she brushed me off. Then at lunch she said she was busy and went off by herself.

I don’t know what’s wrong, but she wouldn’t even talk to me. She didn’t catch the bus home either. I think she got Tom to drive her there and back.

I can’t stand it if she won’t talk to me.

Tuesday September 22, 1987

Today was a little better than yesterday. Honey spoke to me at least. She said she had things on her mind and not to push her. I was so happy that she talked to me that I just agreed.

I think something bad must have happened on the weekend but I can’t think what it might be. I can’t afford to play detective though. Her friendship is too important to me.

Thursday September 24, 1987

I’ve never been more embarrassed in my whole life. At lunch today I made some crack about no one ever wanting to date Mart. Di goes kind of red and says that she is. Talk about putting my foot in it!

Friday September 25, 1988

I had a surprise this morning. Honey’s had her hair cut kind of short. She looks really different. As soon as Bobby saw it he yelled out, “Hey! What happened to your hair?” He couldn’t understand why everyone laughed.

Monday October 5, 1987

Lunch today was horrible. We just didn’t have anything to say to each other. I think Mart and Di wanted to be alone, too. I don’t think they’ll sit with us anymore.

Tuesday October 6, 1987

Today at lunch it was just Honey, Dan and me. I think Dan wanted to leave too but couldn’t think of a good enough reason. Whatever happened to the Bob-Whites and one big happy family?

Wednesday October 14, 1987

Got a letter from Brian today. He’s enjoying his classes and meeting lots of people with the same sort of ambition as him. He sounds like he belongs there rather than here. I’m getting used to not having him around though I still sometimes start to look for him.

Thursday October 22, 1987

Brian’s birthday. We had a long call to Brian early this morning. He can’t spare the time at the moment to come see us though so we’re driving up for the weekend.

Wednesday November 4, 1987

I haven’t seen or talked to Dan for days. I think he’s avoiding us.

Friday November 27, 1987

So much has happened in the last few weeks. Honey and her parents went to New York City to see Jim for Thanksgiving. Brian came home and Moms had her usual open house. It was strange without Honey and Jim.

Brian is like a different person. I don’t feel comfortable with him anymore. He seems a lot more grown up and serious. I think he felt uncomfortable too. I wonder if he’s seeing someone. He seemed to be in a hurry to go back to college.

Friday 4 December, 1987

Celia’s so pregnant now that she looks like she might pop! She told me this afternoon that her replacement is starting on Monday. She sounded pretty relieved about it too!

Monday 7 December, 1987

I met Celia’s replacement today. Her name is Isabella and she’s absolutely gorgeous! And she’s opposite to me in just about every way: tall, dark-haired and tanned. I think there must be a conspiracy around here to make me feel ugly.

Saturday December 26, 1987

We had a great Christmas. On Christmas Eve Brian, Mart and I had our own party. Di couldn’t make it because she’s in Arizona but the rest of the BWGs were there, even Dan and I don’t know how Mart got him to come but he did somehow.

I had a long talk with Jim about what he wants to do when he finishes college and he told me he doesn’t think he will run a school! I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say. I think college has changed him more than it’s changed Brian and that’s saying something. Jim says that there aren’t as many orphans in the world as he thought and that there’s lots of red tape that he’d have to get through and that he hasn’t got anywhere near enough money.

He really likes it at Columbia though and he’s enjoying his sociology classes in particular.

Monday December 28, 1987

I can’t believe what happened today. Honey told me today that she doesn’t want to be a detective. First Jim doesn’t want a school anymore, now this. Next thing I know Mart will be telling me he wants to be a beautician.

Tuesday December 29, 1987

Now I have proof that Mart has been reading my diary. He offered this morning to do my nails for me. Moms had a serious talk with him which is lucky for him cause if I had got hold of him he would have been in much worse shape.

Friday January 8, 1988

Celia had her baby this morning at 4 o’clock. It’s a little boy and his name is Alexander Thomas. He was 9 pounds 6 ounces so it’s no wonder Celia was so huge!

Wednesday January 13, 1988

Letter from Brian today. Why do they always arrive on Wednesdays?

Friday January 15, 1988

Jim called to tell me that he received the birth and death certificates I asked him to order. They sound like they’ll give us some good information. Moms has ordered some for our family too.

Friday February 12, 1988

Only one more day till Di’s Valentines party and I still haven’t got a date. It wouldn’t be so bad if Honey and Dan didn’t have dates either but they do. I just know I’ll be by myself the whole night.

Sunday February 14, 1988

Di’s party wasn’t as bad as I thought. As soon as I got there I was grabbed (literally!) by one of the boys in my English class who didn’t have a date either. I hardly saw Honey all night and when I did she was attached to that awful date of hers Brad Johnson. I hope she doesn’t keep him around.

Wednesday February 17, 1988

Brian’s letter today. I could hardly understand any of it. I don’t know who he thought he was writing to!

Sunday February 21, 1988

It’s been a pretty lonely weekend. Honey and Brad disappeared somewhere and Mart and Di disappeared somewhere else (I suppose). I haven’t seen Dan on a weekend for ages which left Bobby and me. And I had to go riding by myself. I think Regan would have been furious if no one showed up to ride!

Monday February 22, 1988

The birth certificates Moms ordered arrived today. I wish they’d arrived last Friday. Then I would have had something to do on the weekend.

Wednesday March 16, 1988

Brian’s letter today. I think he’s hiding something but I can’t think what. He writes as if he’s trying not to give any information!

Wednesday March 23, 1988

Dan’s birthday. I didn’t see him at all and I had to give the gift I got him to Mart to pass on.

Tuesday March 29, 1988

I miss Honey. I mean, I see her every day at school and we talk but she’s not the same as she used to be. I miss the way she was before. And I can’t stand Brad and I can’t see anything they have in common.

Wednesday April 13, 1988

I got my letter from Brian today. Every time I hear from him I’m more sure that he’s seeing someone and not telling us. I wonder if she’s someone Moms and Dad wouldn’t approve of. We hardly ever see him though so I can’t call him on it.

Monday April 18, 1988

I’m so confused! Today I heard something that makes me wonder why I ever wanted to be a detective. Real life detectives don’t help people. They work for big companies to get evidence to sue people for libel when they’re really only telling the truth! And they pretend to support the people who are going to be sued! I couldn’t ever do that.

Wednesday April 20, 1988

Okay, maybe I overreacted a little. After all that can’t be what all the detectives in the world do. But I’d better start finding out about this soon.

Friday April 22, 1988

Oh, why don’t I ever notice these things? Honey called me naive today. Actually, that was about the nicest thing she said. We were down at the stables saddling our horses when I said something about Regan not being around much at the moment. She looked at me as if I had two heads and said something really rude about what he might be doing with Isabella!

I can’t believe I didn’t notice that there was even something going on between them! And where did Honey learn to swear like that? I can feel myself blushing just thinking about it!

Sunday May 1, 1988

I had a great birthday today, sweet sixteen and never been kissed by the same boy twice! Brian phoned at breakfast time and I had a nice talk to him. No opportunity to ask him about the girl though. Mart was right behind me the whole time. Jim called before lunch which was nice of him. I think I miss him more than I miss Brian.

Honey came over and we talked just like old times. It was almost like all the bad things that have happened lately didn’t exist.

Wednesday May 18, 1988

Letter from Brian today. I wish he’d say something about the girl. I’m certain now that he’s seeing someone and I’m dying of curiosity to find out about her.

Wednesday June 1, 1988

Mart’s birthday today. Brian and Jim both called early this morning but I didn’t get to talk to either of them.

Sunday June 5, 1988

I’ve definitely decided that I can’t be a professional detective. Everywhere I look detectives do things that I couldn’t possibly do. Hardly any of them help people except to help them hurt each other. I have no idea what I’ll do now. I’ll definitely keep solving mysteries in my own time though.

Wednesday June 15, 1988

Letter from Brian today. He did mention some fellow students today but didn’t give any names. I’m certain one of them is the girl he’s seeing though. He won’t be home at all this summer. He’s working the whole time but I might go up and see him for a few days.

Monday July 11, 1988

Jim’s birthday. He’s been home for the weekend and we’ve had a great time. He went back early this morning. I haven’t seen Brad for ages and I think Honey must have dumped him. She hasn’t mentioned him for ages either.

Wednesday July 13, 1988

Brian’s letter came today. I had a terrible thought. What if it’s not a girl he’s seeing!?!

Thursday July 14, 1988

I couldn’t stand it any longer so I rang Brian this morning early and asked him who he’s seeing. It is a girl (whew!) and her name is Tracey. She’s an Engineering major but he wouldn’t tell me any more than that and he made me promise not to tell anyone.

Thursday July 21, 1988

Di’s birthday. She’s having a huge party on Saturday and this time I’m prepared and have myself a date. He’s the son of one of Mr Wheeler’s business associates and he’s English. He’s staying out here for a few weeks. His name is Rory. Honey is going with another classmate of ours who I can’t stand. When did she get such bad taste?

Sunday July 24, 1988

I really enjoyed Di’s party. Rory was lots of fun and after Honey had a big fight with Paul (her date) the three of us stuck together. He kept us talking on safe topics and it was almost like we were still best friends.

Tuesday July 26, 1988

Honey has found yet another boyfriend that I can’t stand. I don’t know where she got this one from cause I’ve never met him before. He calls himself Chip but I think it’s some sort of nickname. Ever since he showed up yesterday morning I’ve hardly seen her.

It doesn’t look like I’ll get to visit Brian now either. Mart was going to drive us up but now he says he’s too busy.

Friday August 5, 1988

I wish I could find a career that’s like what I do when I’m researching family trees. It’s so much like detective work except you’re only working against time and there aren’t dangerous criminals to get in the way.

I think Moms is pretty relieved that I find it so interesting. I think she thinks it’s why there haven’t been any mysteries lately. I think it’s because I hardly spend any time with Honey anymore.

Tuesday August 9, 1988

This has got to be the loneliest summer of my entire life! Brian’s job is keeping him away, Jim is doing some summer school courses and working, Dan has a summer job, Mart and Di have disappeared entirely and I can’t seem to talk to Honey anymore.

I still see her lots but we just don’t seem to understand each other any more. She still hasn’t told me what happened that time and I don’t want to ask her in case she stops talking to me again. Chip is still hanging around too and the more I see him the less I like him.

What’s happened to me? I used to be able to get along with just about anyone! Except Mr Lytell of course.

Friday August 12, 1988

I’m making pretty good progress on the family trees now. Moms has a friend who has been doing this for years and she’s helping me get going again. I’ve been stuck for ages.

Sunday August 14, 1988

Regan and Isabella came back from a weekend away today and they’re married! I can’t believe I didn’t see that coming.

Wednesday August 17, 1988

Letter from Brian today. He told me a secret in it that I can’t tell anyone. I don’t think I can even write it here after all I know Mart has read my diary before and what if Bobby got hold of it? Anyway, things between Brian and Tracey are much more serious than I thought.

Thursday August 18, 1988

Honey’s birthday. Her parents are throwing her a Sweet Sixteen party at the Country Club. Di promised to help me look like I belong in a dress.

Saturday August 20, 1988

I wouldn’t believe what Honey did at her party if I hadn’t seen it myself! Everything was going really well just before it happened too. Di is an absolute miracle worker. I think Moms took an entire roll of film of me just to prove that I can actually look like a girl.

Anyway, the whole thing was going really well when this guy comes in right when Mr. Wheeler is making a speech. Honey gets out a tape deck she had somewhere and puts some music on real loud. Then the guy starts stripping! (I didn’t get a very good look though cause Brian stepped in front of me and pretty soon the guy got thrown out anyway.)

Then Honey says that if she can’t have the party her way they could have it without her and she stormed out. It went pretty flat after that.

Wednesday September 7, 1988

Back to school again and now I’m a junior and Mart and Dan are seniors and I feel like everything’s going to be turned upside down all over again. It was weird enough last year. In one more year it will be just Honey, Di and me left at home and all the boys will be at college.

Friday September 9, 1988

I got the first appointment I could with the guidance counsellor and told her all about what I’ve been thinking. She thought I might like Archaeology or Sociology or one of the related disciplines. At first I couldn’t believe it! Me, an Archaeologist? She had to be kidding. But then I really thought about it. I get pretty good marks now. I’m interested in the past. I want to discover things which no one else has. I might even be good at it and I could still find ways to help people.

She also suggested that I do something called CLEP exams to get college credit before I even get there. It would work out cheaper and quicker, which sounds pretty good to me. Of course, if I choose archaeology I’ll have to do a Masters or maybe even a PhD. I never thought I’d want to do that sort of thing, but you never know. I might turn out to be a good student after all.

Wednesday September 14, 1988

Brian’s letter came today. He’s broken up with Tracey. I think the strain of what happened was too much for them. He asked me not to say anything to anyone.

Friday September 16, 1988

I don’t understand Honey anymore. Now she’s seeing a guy called Marshall. I don’t know where he came from or what happened to Chip. Marshall must be older too. He’s covered in tattoos and wears horrible old clothes. I know that I said that I wouldn’t judge people by their appearances but he’s just too icky!

Monday September 19, 1988

I’ve worked out my schedule for the CLEP exams. I’m going to do the first one after Christmas, then one every couple of months. Hopefully, I’ll pass enough to finish a semester early!

Wednesday October 12, 1988

Letter from Brian. I think he’s still pretty upset about everything. He told me today that he thought he was in love with Tracey but that if he was they should have been able to work things out. It makes me wonder why he’s confiding in me and not Mart though. Maybe I’m supposed to be learning by his example or something.

Friday October 14, 1988

Miss Trask called me today. She said Mr and Mrs Wheeler are very worried about Honey on account of this Marshall person she’s seeing. She asked me to talk to Honey about him. I don’t think it will do any good and I told Miss Trask so.

Sunday October 16, 1988

I finally caught up with Honey. She told me to mind my own business and stormed off. I’m sorry I said anything now. I hope she doesn’t stay mad at me.

(Later)

Honey called and apologised. She asked me not to question her choice of boyfriends again and I promised I wouldn’t.

Thursday October 20, 1988

I’ve picked out the college I want to get into and what I want to study there. I want to go to City University of New York to do Archaeology. They have it in Manhattan. That way even if neither Honey or Di gets into a New York City school I’ll at least be near Jim and not too far from home.

It’s an enormous field. I’ve been looking into it. It’s not just about really ancient things either. You can do an archaeological dig on quite modern things, they’ve even done some on early settlers right in the middle of New York!

Saturday October 22, 1988

Brian’s 19th birthday and we’re in Buffalo to celebrate it. Brian has been trying to act as if everything’s fine but I can tell it’s not. Mart is very suspicious but Moms and Dad seem to just accept it when he says he’s tired.

Wednesday November 16, 1988

Brian sent me a letter. He says we won’t see him for Thanksgiving this year because he’s too tired to travel. I think he’s avoiding us. Moms is devastated but she’s trying not to show it.

Thursday December 1, 1988

I can hardly believe what Honey’s done now. When she and her family were in New York for Thanksgiving she met some guy and he’s come out to see her. He’s even worse-looking than Marshall (I don’t know what happened to him!) and I don’t dare ask her about him because I promised to butt out.

Monday December 26, 1988

We Beldens had a quiet Christmas. Moms practically begged Brian to come home for it and he did. He’s been pretty withdrawn the whole time he’s been here. Honey and Jim are in New York City and Di is in Arizona so we didn’t have a BWG party this year.

Thursday December 29, 1988

Brian’s going back to Buffalo tomorrow. I think Moms is disappointed because he’s only just starting to join in the conversations. He and I had a long talk about what happened back in August.

Wednesday January 18, 1989

Letter from Brian today. He’s sounding better now and he said that the time at home did him good. He still hasn’t told anyone but me what happened.

Tuesday February 14, 1989

I have a secret admirer! A red rose arrived this morning without a card. I can’t think who it could be from. All day I’ve been looking out but I haven’t got a single clue.

Wednesday February 15, 1989

Brian’s letter arrived today. He’s really sounding like himself again and says he’s looking forward to a short visit home over summer.

Friday February 17, 1989

Moms said this morning that she’d take me shopping tomorrow to look for a dress for the Junior Prom. I didn’t think we needed to go this early but I can’t argue with Moms on this one!

Wednesday March 15, 1989

Letter from Brian. He’s asked me to hide some things for him when he comes down next time. I’ll have to think hard about where to put them before then. Trouble is he doesn’t say what they are or how big they are.

Friday March 17, 1989

I got my first result back! And I even passed! (My CLEP exam, I mean.) Hooray!

Thursday March 23, 1989

Dan’s birthday. The five of us had a little party at the clubhouse tonight. At times like these it’s just like it used to be before Brian and Jim left.

Wednesday April 12, 1989

Brian’s letter today. He says he’s seeing a therapist because of what he calls ‘issues’ from what happened with Tracey. He says it’s doing him good. I can’t believe that sane sensible Brian is the one of us in therapy! You’d think that would be me!

Monday May 1, 1989

I had a great birthday today. Honey and Di made a big deal about 17 being the age of consent but they made sure no one could hear them first! I don’t know who they think I would be doing that with. Speaking of which, I still don’t know who sent me the rose at Valentines Day.

Wednesday May 3, 1989

Mart and Di had a huge fight today. Di threw something at him (I don’t know what it was) and he went so red I thought he was going to burst. I think it might be over between them.

Thursday May 4, 1989

Mart and Di really have broken up. They say they’ll still be friends and still go to the Proms together but I think it’s pretty hard on Mart. I haven’t really talked to Di yet.

Monday May 8, 1989

I think that Mart and Di breaking up is one of the best things that has happened this year. Not that I don’t feel for Mart. He really is upset though he tries not to show it. The best part is what it’s done to Di. She’s spending so much more time with Honey and me now. I didn’t realise how much I’d missed her.

Wednesday May 10, 1989

When I was down at the stables today I heard the best news! Regan says that he and Isabella are having a baby! He looked so happy when he said it. I think he’ll be a great dad.

Wednesday May 17, 1989

Just a short note from Brian today. It’s a busy time of year for him. He says he’ll be home for ten days in about six weeks time.

Friday May 19, 1989

These are the last few weeks that Mart and I will be at school together. When I go back at the end of the summer I’ll be a senior and Mart will be at college. I can’t believe it.

Thursday June 1, 1989

Mart’s birthday. He’s making a big deal about being eighteen like it’s the most important thing that’s happened in his whole life.

Wednesday June 14, 1989

Brian’s letter arrived today. He’s started giving me lots of older brotherly advice. I think I’d be offended if I didn’t know that he got all this stuff from bitter experience.

Monday July 3, 1989

Brian arrived home this morning. To me he looks thinner and more serious than the last time I saw him. Somehow he doesn’t quite belong here anymore. The most infuriating thing has happened though. Just when I thought all the BWGs would be in the same place at the same time Jim had to pull out. He’s got something special on at work and won’t be free for days.

I really wanted Jim to be here. I’ve got a lot of information on his family tree to go over with him. Actually, I think I’m more interested in it now than he is!

The other thing that happened is that Brian gave me the package to hide. It’s bigger than I expected and it won’t fit in any of the places I thought of. At the moment it’s under my bed and I hope Moms doesn’t find it cause I don’t want to have to explain how I got these things!

Wednesday July 5, 1989

I’ve just hidden Brian’s package in the most ingenious spot! It’s behind the broken wall in the attic. I remember at the time Brian told me that he’d only wedged the new board in and not nailed it but I’d forgotten. This morning while Brian, Mart and Bobby were up at the lake and Moms was out in the garden I got it open, hid the box and wedged it back in. Then I put all the boxes back in front of it. I hope no one will ever find it there!

Monday July 10, 1989

Brian left last night. I think Moms was disappointed again but he said that was all the time he could get off work. I’m getting packed to go to New York with Honey this afternoon for a week or so.

Tuesday July 11, 1989

Jim’s birthday today. I’m staying in the Wheeler’s city apartment with Honey and Miss Trask. Mr and Mrs Wheeler won’t be here until the weekend. We’ve had a wonderful day sightseeing and the most enormous birthday dinner for Jim. I’m so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.

Wednesday July 12, 1989

Sometimes I look at Honey and wonder how she can possibly be the same girl who was my best friend. Today she suggested that she could go off somewhere so that Jim and I could be alone! I was so embarrassed! Luckily she didn’t say it in front of Jim, especially since she gave me some suggestions of what we could do.

Also, I got my letter from Brian today. Moms must have told him that I wouldn’t be home. More brotherly advice.

Thursday July 13, 1989

So much happened today! Honey really did leave Jim and me alone but we were so worried about her that nothing like what she suggested happened. We did talk though, about what we want for the future. Jim thinks it’s great that I want to study Archaeology. He says it’s exactly right for me since I decided I don’t want to be a private investigator. He’s glad too that if I get in we’ll be in the same city.

When Miss Trask found out that Honey had gone off by herself I thought she was going to pack us straight off home but Jim talked her out of it. I wish she’d tell me what all this is about. I want my best friend back.

Friday July 14, 1989

The mystery of what Honey did yesterday is solved and I didn’t have to ask Honey one single question or pry at all. Honey even laughed when I told her that I knew she’d been to see Dr Reed.

The three of us were talking about the time we all stayed in New York with Ned, Bob and Barbara. All of a sudden something that Honey said clicked everything into place and I knew that’s where she’d been all day.

Friday July 21, 1989

Di’s birthday. She’s having a party tonight and she says it won’t be a couple-type party. Mart’s not going but Honey and I will be going together. She’ll be here soon so we can get ready together. I don’t know what happened to me but I think I might actually look good in the dress we picked for tonight. Maybe I’m finally growing up!

Wednesday August 16, 1989

Letter from Brian today. He seems to have left off the brotherly advice, thank goodness. He’s really starting to sound like his old self, except right at the end of the letter. There’s just one sentence which says something about it being a year since it happened.

Friday August 18, 1989

Honey’s birthday today. We’re having a slumber party at the Manor House with a few girls from school. Jim will be home for the weekend too.

Saturday August 19, 1989

I’m so shocked I can barely write this down. At Honey’s party last night we played Truth or Dare and when it was Honey’s turn she told some things about her past boyfriends I don’t dare write here. She’s not the person I thought she was! And knowing what I do now I can’t possibly tell her the way I feel about Jim. She just wouldn’t understand.

Sunday August 20, 1989

I went for a ride in the woods with Jim today before he left. I miss him so much when he’s away but when we’re together I don’t want to just talk to him. I want to be near him all the time. I don’t think he’s interested in me though. After all, he hasn’t said a thing to me since that time on the way home from Happy Valley when he gave me the bracelet.

Wednesday September 6, 1989

I’m a senior! I can’t believe this is my last year at Sleepyside Junior-Senior High. In one year’s time Moms and Dad will only have Bobby at home. The BWGs will be even more scattered probably. Right now we’re all in the same state: Brian in Buffalo, Mart in Ithaca, Dan in Binghamton, Jim in New York and all three girls still here in Sleepyside.

Wednesday September 13, 1989

Brian’s letter arrived today. He says he’s thinking of dating someone else and that this time he’ll actually tell people other than me. I think it’s because Moms told him he must be working too hard.

At lunch today Honey and Di had a conversation about boys and I just sat there and gawked. They’re both so beautiful and they know how to talk to boys. Sometimes I think I’ll never get a boyfriend and I’ll just die an old maid.

Monday October 9, 1989

Di has started dating the biggest jerk on the football team, Lincoln Prescott. He thinks so much of himself! I just can’t stand to be near him. I suppose he’s good looking in a way though. Honey thinks so, I know. He’s well built and has dark hair and eyes and he and Di look good together.

Monday October 16, 1989

I seem to get more lonely all the time! Honey doesn’t like Linc (as Di calls him) any more than I do so we hardly see Di. And Honey is so hard to talk to now. She’s changed so much in the last couple of years that I can hardly believe it. Sometimes I think that I haven’t changed enough and that’s the real problem.

Wednesday October 18, 1989

Letter from Brian. He’s seeing a girl called Susannah and he says four times in his letter that it’s not serious!

Sunday October 22, 1989

Brian’s birthday today. We didn’t get to see him but he says he’ll be back for Thanksgiving.

Thursday October 26, 1989

I got a letter from Mart today. He sure doesn’t write as often as Brian! He does call though which Brian hardly ever does so I think Moms is happy about that. Mart I mean, not Brian. He was over the moon when he knew he’d gotten in at Cornell and I think he’s even happier now that he’s there.

Wednesday November 15, 1989

Brian’s letter arrived today. This time the girl is called Phoebe and he says three times that it’s not serious.

Friday November 17, 1989

We just got a call to say that Isabella’s had the baby. It’s a little girl and they’ve named her Gianna. Isabella told me once that her family is Italian and I think that must be where they got the name from.

Honey and I are going on a shopping expedition to New York tomorrow morning early. We invited Di but she didn’t want to leave Linc.

Saturday November 18, 1989

I had the best day today. Honey and I shopped till we dropped then we met Jim for dinner at a little place he knows where the serve the most delicious food I’ve ever tasted. We’re staying the night in Honey’s parents’ apartment.

Sunday November 19, 1989

Last night Honey and I talked for ages before going to sleep. We worked out a lot of our differences and Honey told me she’s ashamed of some of the things she did a few months back. She said she was sorry about the fight we’d had over her low life boyfriends and that she wasn’t going to see anyone like them again.

Wednesday December 13, 1989

Letter from Brian today. He doesn’t mention any girls this time and now that I think of it he didn’t when he was here for Thanksgiving. I think maybe he was trying too hard. But what would I know? You don’t see boys knocking down the door to see me.

Saturday December 16, 1989

Honey and I looked through some old photos of the Bob-Whites today. We’ve all changed a lot since the club started. Honey pointed out that us girls have all changed our hair styles and the boys have either grown inches taller or really filled out. And I said most of us had changed our career goals, everyone except Brian and Mart actually. Honey’s right, though. I hadn’t noticed how much longer Di’s hair is now, and how much older we all look.

Monday December 25, 1989

Christmas at Uncle Andrew’s farm. I think Moms is worried about Brian. He doesn’t seem to want to join in anything. He just watches. Sometimes I wonder whether more things happened that he didn’t tell me about.

Mart has spent the whole time we’ve been here discussing farming and all the things he’s learned with anyone who’ll listen.

Wednesday January 17, 1990

Brian’s letter arrived. He sounds so normal in his letters. Why isn’t he normal when I see him?

Saturday January 20, 1990

I’m simply over the moon! Jim is going to take me to the Prom!

Wednesday February 14, 1990

My secret admirer strikes again! It’s just the same as last year. A single red rose with no card and no one seems to be watching me. There’s not one single clue.

Di and Linc were absolutely sickening at school today. I can’t stand to look at the way they go all gooey-eyed at each other.

Also, I got a letter from Brian. He sounds a bit down. Maybe it’s because it’s Valentines Day and he’s sending a letter to his sister.

Wednesday March 14, 1990

Brian’s letter arrived today. He says he’ll be down for the weekend in ten days time but he doesn’t say why.

Friday March 16, 1990

Letter from Mart. He says Brian offered him a lift home for the weekend but he already had plans.

Friday March 23, 1990

Dan’s birthday. He’s down for the weekend and it’s the first time I’ve seen him since he went to college. He says he’s enjoying computer science. Brian will be home in the morning and hopefully we’ll have a nice weekend together. At least there will be five BWGs together even if we can’t get all seven.

Sunday March 25, 1990

So much for my plans for a nice weekend! Moms had a big fight with Brian today and they yelled at each other like anything. I really tried not to listen but I couldn’t help hearing some of it. When I realised what it was about I dragged Bobby out of the house so he couldn’t hear it. Anyway, it amounts to this: Moms knows at least some of what happened with Tracey.

Tuesday March 27, 1990

I got my last CLEP exam result today and I passed! I didn’t do quite enough to finish a whole year early, but I got pretty close. Maybe I’ll actually get through all this study yet!

Monday April 9, 1990

Di and Linc broke up today. It was even more of a scene than when she broke up with Mart. I don’t know what he did or said but I’ve never seen Di so angry before! Honey looked positively shocked at the words she used to him and I’m sure I did too. She hit him hard, too. His face was really red afterwards.

Wednesday April 18, 1990

Letter from Brian today. He says he regrets coming home that last time. I don’t blame him. I think he’ll probably stay away as long as possible.

Friday April 27, 1990

Mart’s letter arrived today. He wants to know what’s up with Brian and I don’t know what to tell him. After all, if I tell him anything Brian might be mad at me but if I don’t tell he might go to see Brian to find out for himself and I don’t think he’d like that.

Saturday April 28, 1990

I’ve decided to tell Mart that Brian is just working too hard, which is true, after all. That way he may not bother Brian and I haven’t broken my promise to keep it a secret. I don’t think he’ll fall for it but maybe he’ll take a hint and back off.

Tuesday May 1, 1990

My birthday. It was sort of lonely with only the four of us at home. Brian and Mart both rang but it’s just not the same. This year I won’t get to tease Mart about being my ‘twin.’ Dan sent a card and Jim called after dinner. I wish I could have seen him instead. Honey and Di will be staying here on the weekend which should be fun.

Saturday May 5, 1990

Honey, Di and I had a great day together. It seems like forever since we had that much fun. I still feel left out at times but they made a big effort today to make me feel included. Sometimes it seems like Honey and Di have much more in common with each other now than with me.

Sunday May 13th, 1990

I had a wonderful time at the Prom! Jim looked so handsome and when we danced it was like the whole world had dissolved and it was just us. I’m kind of glad it’s over, though. I don’t think I ever want to spend so much time getting ready for something again!

And in a month from now, I’ll be finished with high school forever. (Hopefully!)

Wednesday May 16, 1990

Brian’s letter arrived today. He’s going to spend the summer in Seattle with a friend from college. They’ve got jobs there and they’ll stay in an apartment owned by the friend’s parents.

Saturday June 9, 1990

I’m finished!!! Goodbye Sleepyside Junior-Senior High! Real life here I come.

The End

End Note: For those of you who don’t remember, banana clips were strangely popular in the eighties. They were, as you can guess, shaped like a banana and made all your hair stick out at the back of your head. Also, they worked best with curly or permed hair, which is why I thought of Trixie.

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