Part Two

She Said

On the day that Di arrived for her visit to Sleepyside, Honey went to pick her up from the train station. She had originally offered to get her from the airport, but Di had been insistent that it was too much trouble. Honey arrived at the station with a good ten minutes to spare and spent that time pacing up and down, pointing out items of interest to her son, who was perched on her hip. At last the train arrived and her friend hopped out, dragging a small suitcase.

“Oh! It’s so good to see you!” Di pulled Honey into a tight hug. “I’ve missed you so much! And look at you, Joshie; you’ve gotten so big.”

The little boy grinned and allowed Di to give him a short cuddle.

“It’s so good to have you back, even if it’s only for a week or so,” Honey answered. “I arranged with your mother that she can have you to herself for tonight, but that the Bob-Whites get you tomorrow night. I hope that’s okay.”

Di nodded and they started moving towards the car park. “My mother mentioned it to me already, and it’s exactly what I expected. How many of us will be together?”

A crease formed on Honey’s brow. “Well… it can’t be all of us together, all at the same time, because that would make things uncomfortable for certain parties who shall remain nameless, so I was thinking that tomorrow in the daytime you and I and Jim and maybe Dan would get together – Dan’s still waiting to hear if it will fit in with his work. Then, in the evening, it will be you, me, Mart, Brian, Dan and Trixie.”

“Brian’s coming?”

“I didn’t think he would, either, but Jim’s driving up and getting him after he – I mean, Brian – finishes work.”

“And then Jim doesn’t even get to be there? How is that fair?” Di frowned. “Wait. How can Jim be meeting with us, and picking up Brian?”

“Well, I thought the other meeting would be for lunch. It doesn’t take all day to drive up there and back again, and yes, I agree that it’s not fair, but Trixie works in the daytime and Jim isn’t working at the moment, other than to get ready for his new job, so this is the way that it has to work. And, at least, Jim and Brian can spend time together in the car, and Brian will stay at Jim’s place that night and Jim will drive him back early the next morning.”

“You have it all worked out.”

Honey shrugged. “I have to have something constructive to do with my time. Other than look after Joshie, I mean.”

They reached Honey’s car and stowed the luggage. Honey strapped her son into his seat before getting into the driver’s seat.

“So, now that we can talk in person,” she began, “how is Montreal really? Are you going to stay there a bit longer?”

Di made an affirmative noise. “I’m really enjoying it. I like my job. I like where I live, and the lifestyle, and that it’s close enough that people can come up and see me, but not so close that they’re on my doorstep all the time. I don’t think it’s forever, but I have no intention of leaving just yet. I think I need the space.”

Honey sighed. “I haven’t been to see you.”

“Yes, but your circumstances make it harder. And you might visit between now and the next time I visit Sleepyside.”

“I should. I should have tried harder.”

“Honey! You have nothing to be sorry about. I haven’t had any trouble keeping in touch with you.”

Honey glance across at her friend. “I guess not. And I suppose you mean Trixie.”

Di groaned and raised her eyes heavenwards. “I never would have guessed she’d be as hard to keep up with as she’s been. We go months, sometimes, without any real communication.”

“But everyone else in our group is okay, aren’t they?” Worry showed through in Honey’s tone.

For a moment, Di did not reply. “Mostly,” she answered at last, in a slow voice. “Dan has been great. I never expected him to put in as much effort as he has. It’s obvious that he wants to stay friends with me and he’s willing to work at it. Jim and Brian are both a bit hit-and-miss. For a while they do okay, then I don’t hear from them for a few weeks, but when I do it’s probably an email that tells me what they’ve been up to. Mart, I mostly hear from through you.”

“But Trixie has lost her way,” Honey added, in a low voice. “She doesn’t know what she wants, or where she’s going, or what to do about it. She doesn’t answer emails because they ask questions she doesn’t want to face. And sometimes it’s not even an actual question, but something that reminds her of the question, and I can’t seem to write emails that don’t have something like that in them.”

Di frowned. “We should do something to help her, but I don’t know what.”

“I don’t know, either,” Honey answered. “I’ve been racking my brains for months, trying to find a way to help her, but part of her doesn’t want to be helped, or even to admit that she needs help. And if you try to talk to her about Jim…!”

“I’m not trying that.” Di’s voice was firm. “I hardly have any time here and I don’t want to waste it on exercises in futility.”

“I don’t think things are quite as bad as they used to be between them, but they’re still not ready to be friends with each other.”

“I don’t think it’s friends that they need to be,” Di argued. “They need to get over whatever it was that they broke up over and get back together. But don’t tell either of them I said that, or they’ll probably be set back six months!”

“Probably.” She paused for a moment. “On a totally different topic, what else do you want to do while you’re here? Is there anyone else you really want to see?”

“Oh, lots of people: the Beldens, and Regan, and – you’ve probably accounted for everyone like that, haven’t you?”

“Well, yes, but it’s good to hear that I’m on the right track. We were thinking, maybe, we’d have a cook-out at Crabapple Farm one evening, if the weather is nice, and inviting the whole neighbourhood.”

“And we should swim in the lake at least once, too.” Di paused, a reminiscent smile on her face. “I’d like a ride through the Preserve, too. I kind of wish I could spend the whole summer in Sleepyside, like I used to.”

Honey nodded. “I know what you mean, even if I do get to spend the whole summer nearby, it’s not the same without the whole gang together.” She sighed. “I miss those days.”

“One day, I want us all to be able to be together again.” Di stared out the window as she spoke. “I keep trying to think of ways I can help that happen, but I don’t ever come up with anything constructive.”

“Well, when Trixie and Jim sort out their differences, we’ll do that.”

Di laughed. “Even if we’re all about ninety?”

Honey groaned. “Don’t say that. Knowing those two, it might take that long.”

“I hope I don’t have to wait until we’re ninety, but if that’s what it takes, I’ll still be waiting.”

Honey smiled sadly. “Me, too.”

He Said

When Jim arrived at Brian’s place of work the following afternoon, he found his friend waiting outside, ready to leave.

“How was your day?” he asked, as Brian climbed in.

“Good. Yours?”

Jim smiled. “Great. I had lunch with Honey and Di, and Dan dropped by for dessert. It was a lot like old times.”

Brian nodded, but did not answer, seeming to be deep in thought.

“I didn’t know that you were coming to get me for something you don’t even get to attend,” Brian admitted, at last. “I’m sorry. I should have found my own way back.”

Jim waved the matter away. “I saw Di at lunch. And we both know that it’s… more comfortable this way. For everyone.”

Once more, Brian’s only answer was a nod. A silence extended, while Jim wove his way through the streets and onto the highway. Scenery flashed past, but neither man took much notice of it.

“How long is this going to go on?” Brian asked, at last, in slow, measured tones. “The avoiding, I mean. I don’t think it’s doing anyone any good.”

Jim shrugged and kept his eyes on the road. “It’s the best way I can think of to keep the peace. I hope it’s not permanent, but then it’s not happening for my benefit, per se.”

“Trixie needs to just get over it.” Brian scowled. “She’s ruining everything.”

“Tell her why I was in Buffalo those times and maybe she’ll believe me,” Jim answered. “You want to end the conflict? You and only you have the power.”

“That has nothing to do with anything. It’s none of her business.”

“It has everything to do with what happened between her and me.”

“I don’t–”

“Is that yours?” Jim asked, as a ring tone interrupted them.

Brian took the call, which was evidently from Indira, and had a short conversation. Jim could not help but hear some sort of appointment being made for Tuesday. The idea occurred to him that something secret was going on. When the call ended, he asked the question that was burning in his mind.

“Are you seeing Indira?”

“What?” Brian seemed stunned. “No. We’re not involved romantically. She’s just a friend.”

Jim’s scepticism must have shown on his face, as Brian repeated the last statement.

“Are you sure?” Jim glanced across at him. “Maybe she’s about to be more than a friend. There’s no shame in that, is there?”

“I’m not ashamed of her.” Brian seemed angry, which was incongruous. “We’re too different to ever make a go of a relationship.”

Jim shrugged. “Opposites attract, they say.”

“Not these opposites.” A moment later, he asked, “Where are we going?”

He indicated the fuel gauge, which rested on the quarter-full mark. “I just need to fill up.”

“I’ll pay,” Brian offered, as they pulled up next to the pump.

“You don’t need to.” Jim got out of the vehicle and Brian did so, too. “But if you’re going to insist… well, thanks.”

As Jim filled the tank, Brian leaned against the side of the vehicle. At length, he began to speak. “Actually, there is something going on between us, but it’s not what you were thinking.”

“Not a romantic relationship, then.” He glanced at the numbers on the pump and at the same time noticed the woman in the next line over, who was paying avid attention to their conversation. “And you’re keeping it a secret.”

“It’s not a relationship at all, other than a friendship.” Once more, Brian looked cross. “We’re not going to be more than friends. It’s not what either of us wants.”

“Are you sure?”

Brian looked away. “You know what she’s like. If that’s what she wanted, she’d say so. And we did talk about… physical relations, but it’s not what I want from her.”

“Then what do you want?” Jim glanced at the woman, who had not moved despite the fact that her tank was full.

“What I want?” He was looking at his shoes, now. “She’s a good friend; I owe her a lot. And I want to repay her something of the good she’s done for me. That job she found for me… well, let’s just say I wouldn’t be able to pay now, if it wasn’t for that.”

Jim felt a chill. “What has she asked you to do?”

For a moment, Brian did not answer. He seemed to have noticed the eavesdropper and moved closer to Jim, who had finished filling the tank and was setting things to rights.

“In confidence?” He leaned in to whisper. “I’m going to be her sperm donor.”

The earth seemed to tilt for Jim. He was torn between shock at his friend’s words and amusement at the disappointment and frustration on the eavesdropper’s face. He took a moment to check the car over and get in. Brian had already paid by credit card and he got in, too.

“I can’t believe that you’re going to do that,” Jim threw at him, as soon as the car doors were shut. “This is so unlike you; so completely irresponsible.”

He glanced back at the woman, who was still watching them. He started the engine and pulled out.

His friend shrugged. “I wouldn’t have thought of this myself, but I don’t see anything irresponsible about it.”

“Then maybe you should look at the situation a little harder,” Jim snapped.

Brian’s face was so cool that Jim wondered if he had heard anything that had just been said. “Indira has her reasons and I respect them. The matter is not up for discussion. In fact, I’m regretting even telling you. Forget I said anything.”

Jim’s anger overrode any thoughts he may have had of stopping. “This isn’t about respect. This is about your being complicit in putting a child in a vulnerable situation. What if something happens to her? We both know that she isn’t close to her family. Who’s going to look after the baby if she dies?”

“Is that what this is about?” his friend demanded. “I’m sorry that you were orphaned and I wish that things had been different for you, but that’s not the norm. Most kids with one parent are just fine. The baby will be fine. Even if the worst happens, I’m sure that Indira will have some sort of plan. She’s a responsible woman, if a bit unconventional.”

A frustrated breath escaped Jim’s lips as he ran a hand through his already-tousled hair. “I’m sorry, but I don’t really believe that. Most people don’t think about what will happen if they die; I know that my mother didn’t.” He took a shaky breath. “I’ll talk to Indira myself. I can see that I’m not going to convince you.”

“You can stay out of it,” Brian replied, in anger.

The fury which had been threatening to overwhelm Jim was suddenly replaced by a sense of injustice. “I think I’ve had enough of doing everything your way,” he said slowly. “It may have worked out for you, but it’s given me more trouble than I care to remember.”

“Fine!” Brian exploded. “Talk to her, but it won’t do any good.”

Jim’s storm of emotion passed as quickly as it had arrived. “Look… I’m sorry, okay? I know I’m not the most balanced individual–”

Brian laughed and the tension in the car dissolved. “Yes, actually, you are.” He sighed. “And maybe you’re right. Maybe someone needs to talk to Indira about this and maybe it’s best that it’s you. But I don’t want anyone else to know my involvement, okay?”

“Why did you even tell me, then?”

For a long time, Brian did not answer. “I don’t know. I didn’t intend to; it just slipped out.” When he next spoke, it was barely more than a whisper. “One of a long line of things I didn’t mean to do.”

Jim felt the sting of those words and lapsed into silence.

She Said

The following morning, Honey, Di and Trixie met at the lake for their planned swim. They had made rather a later start than intended, due to having stayed up late the night before. The day was shaping up to be a hot one and the air was still and humid, the sun already high in the sky.

“I’m not so sure I want to swim in there after all,” Di commented, frowning out at the water. “Was it always so murky?”

Her two friends looked in that direction and Trixie shrugged. “Yes. I’m pretty sure it was.”

“Well, I’m too hot to stay out here,” Honey put in. “Are you coming, Di? Or do you just want to stay on the edges?”

Di flapped the shirt away from her body. “You’re right. I’m coming in.”

She stripped off her shirt, revealing the top half of a two-piece swimsuit underneath. The other two followed her example. Trixie was the first finished and the first to enter the lake. She pushed out into the deep water, then turned on her back to float. Honey had soon joined her, but Di took her time getting in.

“Ooh! I don’t remember it being this cold, either.” Di shivered, with the water only half-way up her thighs.

Trixie flipped over onto her stomach. “I’m pretty sure it always was. But it’s funny how you remember things differently to how they really were. I always thought of the lake as being bigger than it is.”

“I think it’s plenty big enough,” Di countered, her voice squeaking a little as she progressed to waist-deep. “As it is, I can’t help wondering what’s beneath the surface.”

“Don’t talk that way,” Honey begged, “or I won’t want to be in here, either.”

Trixie rolled her eyes at the pair of them. “Instead of freaking out over nothing, how about if we swim out to the raft?”

Di glanced over to Honey and saw her nod. “Okay. But I’m not racing anyone.”

They made their way out to the deeper water and had soon climbed onto the raft. Its boards were looking rather the worse for wear and Honey noted that she would have to tell her father.

“I don’t suppose it matters so much any more, but maybe he should just have it taken out. It might sink someday if he doesn’t, and become an underwater hazard.”

“Well, I think it will hold the three of us for the time being,” Trixie decided, laying back and dangling her legs over the edge.

“It feels sturdy enough,” Di agreed. She settled right in the middle, without any part of her in the water. “I’d kind of be sad to see it go. Remember when we used to have races out to here? Honey always won.”

Honey shook her head. “Not always.”

“Did you ever swim out here at night?” Di wondered. “I remember one time lying here in the dark and looking up at the stars. The only problem was, I didn’t want to get back in the water afterwards to get back to shore.”

“How did you get back?” Honey asked.

Her friend shrugged. “I was with Mart. He pushed me in.”

Honey laughed, but Trixie had turned away. Di let out a sigh.

“Trixie, I’m sorry.” She reached over and touched her friend’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.”

“We all have Bob-White ex-boyfriends,” Honey noted, in a soft voice. “Sometimes I wish it wasn’t that way, but it is.”

“And I have twice as many as you,” Di answered. “Between the three of us, we’re ex-es to all four of them.”

Honey leaned back and bumped her head against the boards. “Now that’s a cheerful thought.”

Trixie dove into the water and swam away.

“And I’d promised myself not to mention anything about it,” Di mourned. “Why did I have to bring that up?”

“We can’t tiptoe around her forever. She has to accept that we’re going to talk about things from the past every so often.” Honey looked over towards the shore. “Chances are, she’ll pretend this never happened when we meet up again.”

Di nodded. “Well, I guess, since she’s gone to sulk, we should take the opportunity for some girl-talk.”

Honey smiled. “Yes, we should. But I can’t think of a thing to say.”

A mischievous grin spread over Di’s face. “I can. How about we start with whether you ever swam in the lake with a boyfriend, alone, at night.”

“I might have,” Honey answered, glancing over to see that Trixie was still out of earshot. “More than once.”

“With or without your clothes?”

Honey giggled. “That would be telling.”

“Well?”

“Maybe.” Honey’s expression was demure. “Did you?”

“You think I’m going to tell you when you won’t tell me?”

“In that case… before I got married, with clothes on. After…”

“You don’t need to say,” Di interrupted, “because he wasn’t a boyfriend any more.”

“True.” Honey looked across at her friend. “So, what about you?”

A secret smile played on Di’s lips. “With clothes on, certainly; with a few different boyfriends. Without? Well, let’s just say that I might have, but definitely not with Mart. I’ll let you guess who that might have been.”

Honey glanced towards the shore, where Trixie was kicking up sprays of water and looking discontented.

“Would you do it again?” she asked, at last.

Di looked down into the water and shivered. “Yes, I think I would.”

He Said

After hesitating only a moment, Jim rang Indira’s doorbell and waited for her to answer. The door opened after a short wait and there she was, looking at him expectantly.

“I think we need to talk,” he told her.

Indira nodded. “Come and sit down. I’ve just made a pot of chai. Would you like some?”

Jim shook his head and took a seat as indicated. “I’m fine.”

“But Brian told you what we’re planning, didn’t he? And you’re upset about it.” She took a sip of her tea. “I should have guessed that someone would come and try to argue with me about this.”

“I don’t know that I’m here to argue,” Jim answered, feeling off-balance. “Actually, I came to talk to you about what arrangements you’re making in case something happens to you.”

She stared at him over her mug, speechless.

“Brian was sure I was overreacting,” he hurried on. “He was sure that you’d given this some thought already but… well, let’s just say that my mother didn’t make good enough arrangements for me and I paid for it after she died.”

“You’re right.” Her voice was faint and she was still staring. “You’re so right. I need to make some kind of arrangements, but I’ve already promised Brian anonymity. There’s no one in my family that I’d trust with my child and I can’t seem to keep close female friends for long.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Jim told her. He was feeling more uncomfortable by the moment. “If there’s anything I can do to help…”

“You. Okay, I’ve decided. It can be you.”

“What?”

Indira reached over and took his hand. “You’re very conservative and I’m not sure I like your taste in clothes, but you’re a good man. You’ve cared for Brian even when he’s tried to make you stop. You’re just the kind of role model I’d like my child to have.”

“But…” He stopped, dumbfounded.

“You’re perfect for it, Jim. I’m not sure how we’ll sort it out… Oh! I know. You can claim paternity. We can get some kind of agreement drawn up so that you don’t get pulled into some kind of child support situation – I can support the child for myself – but then, in case the worst happens, he or she would go to you.”

“I’m not claiming paternity when there’s no chance that the child could be mine!” he argued.

“Then come to bed with me and we’ll make a chance,” she answered.

“No!” He shook his head. “There is not going to be a chance that the child could be mine – not by any method you can think of.”

The mix of emotions on her face shifted. “You have a child out there somewhere already? One you don’t have access to?”

He shook his head. “The way things are now, I don’t think I’ll ever have children of my own.”

“Maybe I should have asked you instead,” she murmured.

“No,” he answered, just as softly. “I wouldn’t have agreed. As bitter as that knowledge is, I’m not doing anything to change it. My heart is committed elsewhere.”

“Brian’s sister.” She was looking at him in wonder, now. “You and Brian’s sister. That’s even better. Biologically speaking, she’d be my baby’s aunt, so if he or she went to you, she’d already have a connection to them.”

“You’re assuming a lot there. She’s shown no signs of changing her mind…”

Indira shook her head at him, making her long earrings jangle. “Whatever you did, say you’re sorry and make it up.”

“But I didn’t do anything,” he argued. “She just thinks I did something. Which I didn’t. I can’t apologise for something I didn’t do.”

“You’re both stubborn and pig-headed,” she grumbled. “It’s no wonder you’re fighting. But that’s not the point. The point is that you’re the right person to take custody of my child in case something happens to me. So, if you don’t like my plan, how are we going to arrange it?”

He considered for a moment, then offered, “I could put the question to my lawyer.”

“You have a lawyer?” She shook her head and the earrings jangled again. “I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”

“He’s not a criminal lawyer,” Jim answered, bemused at her reaction. “I inherited some things and there are legal complications… In any case, he’ll know what to do.”

She sipped her tea, then nodded once. “Okay. Let’s do that.”

She Said

“It’s been so great having Di here,” Honey mused to Trixie, as they packed up a picnic lunch. Di had left them to take a phone call. “I’m going to miss her so much when she leaves.”

“Mmm.” Trixie felt a qualm at agreeing outright and made sure her answer was non-committal.

Honey gave her a worried look. “How about if we make time on the weekend for some girl time? Maybe we could go out for coffee?”

“I’m busy this weekend,” she answered, almost before Honey had finished speaking. “Sorry.”

“Well, maybe we could get together the weekend after next–” Honey began

“I’m not going to be here because I’ve decided to move to Kentucky for a while,” she blurted out. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, but I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t change my mind.”

Honey looked stunned. “Kentucky? But what about your job?”

“I quit, okay? I went into that idiot’s office, and he called me by the wrong name – even after I corrected him – and I handed in my resignation. And I don’t know what I’m going to do now, but I can’t stay there any longer. I just can’t.”

“When did this happen, Trixie?” Honey’s expression was filled with concern, but it only made Trixie want to turn away.

“Nearly two weeks ago. My last day is Wednesday.”

“And you didn’t tell anyone? You’ve been going through this all alone, without anyone to support you?” There was a tiny hint of hurt in Honey’s voice as she spoke. “But why?”

“I failed. I was going to go it alone and not rely on any favours and now I’m going back on that.” She sighed, letting the anger go and giving in to the disappointment she felt in herself. “I just wasn’t good enough.”

Honey pulled her into a hug. “You didn’t fail. Your company getting taken over by a rival and getting totally changed around isn’t your fault, and quitting a bad job doesn’t make you a failure.”

“But I’m going to work for the foundation! I don’t have to apply, and get it on my own merit.”

“Of course not,” her friend interrupted. “You own it. You can run it however you like. And if you want to work there for a while, then that’s okay. You can get other jobs on your own merits any time you want.”

“I guess so,” Trixie conceded. “But I don’t see how that is supposed to make me feel better.”

Honey heaved a frustrated sigh. “Just believe me that you didn’t do anything wrong. Believe me that you’re worth more than that guy seemed to think, who couldn’t even remember your name. What was his name again?”

In spite of herself, Trixie smiled. “Sorry. I’ve forgotten.”

He Said

Mart looked up from the book he was reading to see Honey in the bedroom doorway, with tears running down her face.

“What is it?” he asked, holding out a hand to her.

She dashed across the room and climbed onto the bed, snuggling up next to him like a child.

“Honey?” he prompted.

She gave a sniff. “Still not pregnant.”

Mart pulled her closer, with an inaudible sigh. He had hoped, for Honey’s sake, that the result would be different this time. She wanted this so much.

“I don’t understand why this is so difficult,” Honey moaned, her hand resting against her stomach. “It was so easy the first time – so quick that I wasn’t ready for it. I just don’t understand why it’s not happening this time. I wanted a two-year age gap and we’re already nine months behind.”

Mart held her close, unable to think of anything sensible to say.

Honey continued, regardless of his lack of response. “Maybe I was right all along. Maybe early was the only time it could happen. What am I going to do now? I don’t want an only child! I hated being an only child all those years. What if the only way to get another one is to go through all those horrible procedures?”

“Shhh,” Mart soothed, seeing that she was working herself into a state. “Leave it a little while longer and see what happens. Maybe you’re just trying too hard.”

“Do you think that could be it?” she asked, through her tears. “Am I stressing about this to the point where it can’t happen, because I’m too stressed?”

“I don’t know; it’s possible.” He leaned in to give her a kiss. “Maybe we should just relax and enjoy ourselves – it worked the first time.”

She gave a sad little sigh. “I’m not sure I know how to, any more.”

Mart gave what he hoped was a devilish laugh and waggled his eyebrows at her. “Let me show you.”

To his relief, she laughed.

Continue to part three.